The Past Is Painful: This Powerful Tip For Moving On

Forgiving yourself isn’t always the most obvious way to heal, but it is the most effective.

Most people don’t even know how to or think it is important.

 We have all gotten into arguments with our partners, friends or whoever right?

We say hurtful things to them, and they say hurtful things to us. Then miraculously we find it in our hearts to forgive them.

We embrace each other and move on with our lives. But there is this little voice or video in our heads that keeps replaying the hurt.

Our hearts twist and we get angry at the person all over again, every time this footage starts rolling.

What the hell right?!?! You forgave this person. You hugged them and that felt good. You were ready to move on and now this????

Mhmm…

You forgot the most important part in conflict resolution!!!

But that’s ok its not your fault. In fact, I blame preschool and kindergarten. The golden rule enforcers.

We can even blame religion if we are feeling super rebellious. Religion tells us to forgive the same person like 1000 times or something when they wrong us. This is only half the story you guys!

Its the whole treat others how you want to be treated mantra that teachers, parents, coaches etc. burned into our brains.

It was great and it at least got us halfway to the truth, but now that we are older let’s learn the rest of the formula to complete the entire forgiveness ritual.

As a society we are so hyper focused on each other and what is outside of ourselves. We think to ourselves person X makes me feel Y or I’m frustrated that X is happening to me so Ill react with Y.

This is hardcore self-abuse. We get upset because things didn’t go our way in the past.

We were treated poorly and feel we deserve better.

We give all the power to the people who hurt us and expect them to show us they are sorry, to prove they won’t do it again.

Why?

Most times we won’t get more than one apology from these people, but it always feels like they owe us more and so we wait, we hold grudges and make ourselves miserable.

Don’t put yourself through the pain of holding grudges.

If you are relying on an action from someone else to feel better, you’re going to be so stressed and depressed. You must take your power back from them right now.

 I like to teach the power of self because I believe that it is really the only way through your problems. You cannot give away your power to anyone in any situation.

You need to be so confident and powerful that you’re ok with not getting apologies or when you do get them, they are a perk, not the end all, be all.

I talk about self-love, self-reliance and all things self, so you do not ever have to be dependent on another’s choices. Relying on someone else will paralyze you and hold your happiness hostage.

Even if you get a beautiful apology that you feel good about you will not be able to truly move on until you do this one thing that is so powerful that it you will literally feel the weight fall off your shoulders and if you don’t then keep doing it.

It will help you learn to handle future conflict better, so you won’t give your power away ever again in this situation.

Are you ready?

After someone wrongs you nothing more needs to be done or said than this one thing.

The only truly necessary next step is to forgive yourself.

Literally say I am sorry (insert your name) for (insert your part in the conflict).

This can be as extreme as cussing someone out or as simple as not standing up for yourself.

 If you’re thinking. Really? That’s the big secret?

Then I want you to count how many times you’ve sincerely forgiven yourself.

Then count how many unresolved emotions that pop up in your head on a daily basis that piss you off, make you feel sad or whatever.

Do not give your power away like this.

Do not let someone else’s BS control your life or occupy your precious mental space. Next, compare the two lists. Chances are you have a lot of more unresolved emotions than self-forgiveness.

I’m confident enough in this self-forgiveness practice to say that when you have these reoccurring and unresolved thoughts or feelings about past experiences, that it is happening because you need to forgive yourself in some way.

In every conflict there is something that comes up and attaches itself to us, that no matter how much time goes by and how much of the initial conflict improves. We still can’t move on.

Even after we find forgiveness for the other person we are left with painful and distracting unresolved emotions.

This is 100% because we haven’t forgiven ourselves for our part in the conflict.

Even if it’s simply apologizing to ourselves for allowing someone to treat us poorly, for sitting there and taking it instead of having walked away.

We usually haven’t even considered that subjecting ourselves to a negative situation or tolerating mistreatment in the first place is still needing to be addressed.

In order to truly forgive the situation, we need to start adding ourselves into our forgiveness practices.