Why You Should Stop Solving Other People’s Problems

I have a confession.

Its super embarrassing, so im going to stall a little here.

I have never admitted to this anywhere else.

Or, to anyone else for that matter.

It has taken me basically my whole life to finally come clean.

So, in the spirit of transparency, i’m coming out today!

But only if you promise to tell all your friends too!

Ok here it is…

I’m a natural born problem solver.

Not quite the climax you were hoping for? Then keep reading to learn how it absolutely ruined my life.

For the blood and gore of solving problems keep reading.

I dare you…

If there is a problem just give me a few moments, at most 24 hours, and I’ll get back to you with some sort of solution. For a long time I wanted to solve every problem that crossed my path. It was too late when I discovered this was just a fast track to misery and a complete trap.

I knew no one person could truly solve it all. I was ok with that. I only wanted to solve the problems that hit my desk so to speak.

We can offer all the sage advice we want, but so much more goes into solving problems than sensible ideas. After trying to solve other peoples problems over and over, I began to realize that not everything needs solving and not everyone wants solutions.

Attaching myself to the problems that crossed my path became painful for me.

A family member or friend that was going through a hard time would result in me racking my brain behind the scenes trying to come up with a solution to offer them. A global crisis I saw on TV would overwhelm me with a call to action. I could feel another’s anxiety, sadness and depression and experience a physical reaction that would drive me to find a solution for them.

This might sound admirable to you at first glance, but I’ll let you in on a little secret. It’s wildly toxic.

Not everyone wants our advice or help, let alone to solve their problems. Others can even become so dependent on their problems and the fear that drives them, that a solution from someone else feels like an attack.

An attachment to another’s ups and downs takes us out of our own power and into someone else’s chaos and control. Most of us have yet to master ourselves or our lives so it’s a scary place to be to willingly allow our energy to take the form of someone else’s drama.

Sometimes it is hard to recognize that we are even doing this. So many of us find ourselves trying to help others and fix their problems. We step away from our own identities and into someone else’s when we do this. We spend the bulk of our time thinking about someone else’s life and someone else’s problems and neglect ourselves.

We essentially give a ton of our energy to someone who nine times out of ten doesn’t want it. Then we are left feeling confused as to why someone wouldn’t value us when we just put all this energy into trying to help them, or worse, they attack us as thanks for trying to solve their problems.

People are quite comfortable in their chaos and often prefer operating out of negativity and fear because its more familiar to them.

When you feel yourself getting caught up in someone eases stories or drama in any way, take a step back and ground yourself. Remind yourself that this is their choice and their life. It is not your responsibility to figure everything out for others.

Compassion does not have to equal action!

Quick Tip: We all operate out of fear more than we realize. The trick is recognizing that we do this in the first place. Fear is more familiar to us than change. For some reason change is perceived as a threat but fear, fear is celebrated and clung to. This is why when someone tries to help us change our behaviors we can feel insulted, if we haven’t done the work to address fear.

I had to learn the hard way that it is a learned behavior to accept help. That offering this kind of help to others is not for the faint of heart. You will be demonized, hated and attacked for trying to help. Let me be clear. I’m not talking about changing the world by volunteering at a soup kitchen or putting out wildfires. I’m talking about noticing the subtleties in someone’s behavior, the missteps that are causing their suffering. I’m talking about the fallacies another is living their lives from. Suggesting that they change their karma, so their future self can thank them.

To be an empath often feels like a gift and a curse. We have to find balance. They will hate you for offering your gifts and so if you are an empath, someone who feels very deeply and tries to help others as much as possible, stop it right now. It’s an uphill battle you’re going to lose when you reach the top. Your gift is so much more powerful when focused elsewhere.

Unless they specifically ask for your help, its a trap.

Trying to get people to see things in a way that could help them is toxic to both of you and the relationship.

So how do we share our gift for empathy without pissing people off and driving ourselves crazy? How do we avoid wasting our time and talents on solving problems that people don’t want solved?

Use that energy to solve your own problems instead. Chances are if you’re already carrying around a lot of pain as it is. Most of it probably doesn’t even belong to you. It may not even be from this lifetime!

Healing is a never ending journey. So, I promise you will not be bored or feel purposeless if you focus less on solving another’s problems and start focusing more on solving your own.

In fact when you begin to focus on yourself you will start to notice that you add more value to your own life as well as others, You can help these people more by setting an example of self love and healing than you ever could solving their problems for them.

It’s time you start caring for your own wounds with the same passion you have cared for others all this time. Start to take all those feelings of being misunderstood and feel gratitude for them because they are the universe’s way of guiding you back to the important work. The work you were sent here to do, the work of making yourself happy and fulfilling your purpose.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not suggesting that you should stop helping people. I am suggesting you make sure that they ask for your help sincerely. Make sure they are truly seeking solutions to their problems before you offer your time and energy. Be certain that they are not just lamenting their sorrows or attached to the role of the victim.

Our vibes are already so susceptible to the energy around us, that the last thing we need to do is take on another’s energy unnecessarily. The gift of sensitivity or empathy is too powerful and beautiful to waste on fruitless pursuits.

It is so much more rewarding to invest this energy into ourselves and those who truly want to grow.

It may be hard at first and it will take practice to step back from those that we love, but you will have so much more peace in the long run if you can find the courage to do this.